About Aging

Everyone, of course, ages differently. Often due to illness or some other circumstances, that may influence the aging process. I never worried about aging. I never worried about having to tell somebody I was going to be 30 or 40. In fact, when I approached 75, I was really delighted when it finally happened and I could say, hey, I am 75. And I felt great about it. I never thought I would possibly be going that old. I had a great time at my 75th birthday. Threw myself a little party. With family and friends. But something really odd happened. Very shortly thereafter, I could not put my finger on it. But something had changed. All of a sudden I was aware of my age. It did not bother me. But there was a sudden awareness. I am a very social person. I love being with other people. I like volunteering. Listening to music, et cetera. None of that really changed.

When I was 78, I moved into assisted living. I really did not like it at all. They have to hang out with all these old people. One of my daily table partners for meals had moved in at the same time. He did not like it either. But he was 104 years old. And he always complained that he really did not like to live with all these old people. Of course, we all laughed. But in hindsight, I think I was ignorant of his feelings about it. And slowly, it appears, I'm beginning to perhaps understand a little bit more, how this aging process works. When I would sign up for academy classes, or concerts, or outings and I would ask my fellow residents in assisted living if they were going to join, I would most of the time get the answer, "No, thank you, been there, done that." Of course, most of these folks were, at least ten years older than I was. Even for my 80th birthday, I had a wonderful time. And still wanted, lively groups and conversation around me. Still very excited that I made it to 80. I just find that amazing. However, lately I have observed something rather interesting in myself. For instance I used to ask Alexa to play certain music. Depending on the mood I was in. I liked classical piano. Or Rock and Roll, or Country. And so really when I am In my studio by myself. I would listen to music unless I was reading a book. The other day I realized, I had not listened to music for a few months, literally. So I put on what I thought was going to be my favorite classical. But after 20 minutes, I turned it off. In the afternoon, I thought I'll try with some old style rock and roll, but did not last through two songs and turned that off as well. I also noticed the last two times I went to a concert, that I did not quite so much appreciate sitting there for so long. I used to love to listen to jazz. And it became very obvious the last two jazz concerts were sort of getting on my nerves. This is so not like me. But I can also say I now prefer the peace and quiet. I love to go outside. Sit by the river, listen to nature, and watch the water, and it's peaceful and wonderful. If people walk by, and one chats a little bit here and there, that's fine. But if they sit and really start chatting. And lastly, I will excuse myself and leave. I'm becoming more and more selective about what I like to listen to. I love to listen to my family. My kids and grandchildren. I want to hear what they're doing and what they're thinking. But I don't have really close friends anymore. Close by. That I want to hear about their problems or illnesses. Unfortunately, due to aging, my dear friends already passed away. I do have a few, well, only really two or three friends I stay in touch with by phone. And we have good conversations. But I don't need that on a daily basis. So what is going on? I don't feel depressed. I feel pretty good about my life. Whatever else is going on in my life really has nothing to do with these observations, I believe. But it brings me back to my hundred four year old friend. When we would have discussions at the table. And notably at the time I thought they were pretty good discussions. He would either get up and walk away, or he would say after a while, "Why don't you guys just write that all down, and be done with it" Especially in the last year, I noticed his diminished desire to deal with our chatter. Mike was a person who knew himself. And I do not believe for a moment that the man was depressed. What I do believe is that due to his age and excellent intelligence, he heard it all. At least once before. It is true that most subjects we talk about, have been talked about in generations before. I said that in my very first blog, when I noted, that nothing I say has not been said before. That's just the way it is. Yes, of course, circumstances change slightly with time, but the essence of the debates, be it politics, religion, humanity's philosophies seem to be very essential. And we humans still seek answers to questions that may never be resolved. Anyway, while it surprises me to observe this change in myself, I think it is not anything unusual. But I keep observing. Stay tuned